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halowe'en is just around the corner, i'm going to need some child-friendly jokes to ward off the little critters - got any?
jokes, not children :P

is it common that they ask you to tell a joke? this happened when hallowe'en fell on game night, we took it in turns to get the door, and the troop that turned up for me insisted i tell them jokes. is that the norm?
asked in jokes, Halloween, trick or treat



Neko2 answers:

Why don't angry witches ride their brooms?
They're afraid of flying off the handle
________________________________________

Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
No body
________________________________________

What do skeletons say before they begin dining?
Bone appetit !
________________________________________

Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
Dayscare centers
________________________________________

Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?
His ghoul friend
________________________________________

What's a monster's favorite play?
Romeo and Ghouliet
________________________________________

What do witches put on their hair?
Scare spray
________________________________________

What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?
Bamboo
________________________________________

What kind of mistakes do spooks make?
Boo boos
________________________________________

What kind of cereal do monsters eat?
Ghost-Toasties
________________________________________

What has webbed feet, feathers, fangs and goes quack-quack?
Count Duckula
________________________________________

What does Tweety Bird say on Halloween?
Twick or Tweet
________________________________________

Where do spooks water ski?
On Lake Erie
________________________________________

What happened to the guy who didn't pay his exorcist?
He was repossessed
________________________________________

What does a ghost eat for lunch?
A BOO-logna sandwich
________________________________________

Where do mummies go for a swim?
To the dead sea
________________________________________

What's the ratio of a pumpkin's circumference to its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi
________________________________________

Where do ghosts buy their food?
At the ghost-ery store
________________________________________

Where do ghosts mail their letters?
At the ghost office
________________________________________

What's a ghosts favorite ride at the carnival?
The roller ghoster
________________________________________

How do you mend a broken Jack-o-lantern?
With a pumpkin patch
________________________________________

When does a skeleton laugh?
When something tickles his funny bone
________________________________________

Why was the mummy so tense?
He was all wound up
________________________________________

Where did the goblin throw the football?
Over the ghoul line
________________________________________

What does a skeleton orders at a restaurant?
Spare ribs
________________________________________

What do goblins mail home while on vacation?
Ghostcards
________________________________________

What is a ghost's favorite party game?
Hide-and-go-shriek
________________________________________

What do baby ghosts wear on their feet?
Boo-ties!
________________________________________

What did the boy ghost say to the girl ghost?
You look boo-tiful tonight
________________________________________

What is a ghost favorite article of clothing?
Boojeans
________________________________________

What does a ghost put on his cereal in the morning?
Boonanas and Booberries
________________________________________

What kind of roads do ghosts haunt?
Dead Ends
________________________________________

Who did the ghost invite to his party?
Anyone he could dig up!
________________________________________

What is a monster's favorite food?
Ghoul scout cookies
________________________________________

What did the skeleton say while riding his Harley Davidson motorcycle?
I'm bone to be wild!
________________________________________

Why does Dracula consider himself a good artist?
Because he likes to draw blood!
________________________________________

When do gholes cook their victims?
On Fry Day
________________________________________

What's a vampire's favorite candy?
A sucker
________________________________________

What do you call a ghos


Supplement from 10/28/2007 04:41pm:

________________________________________
What's a ghosts favorite desert?
Boo-berry pie.
________________________________________
Why do girl ghosts go on diets?
So they can keep their ghoulish figures.
________________________________________
Where does Count Dracula usually eat his lunch?
At the casketeria.
________________________________________
Why was the ghost such a messy eater?
Because he was always a goblin.
________________________________________
What tops off a ghost's ice cream sundae?
Whipped scream.
________________________________________
What is a Mummie's favorite type of music?
Wrap!
________________________________________
What song does Dracula hate?
"You Are My Sunshine"
________________________________________
What type of monster really loves dance music?
The boogieman!
________________________________________
Where does a ghost go on Saturday night?
Anywhere where he can boo-gie.
________________________________________
Why didn't the skeleton dance at the party?
He had no body to dance with.
________________________________________
What do ghosts say when something is really neat?
.Ghoul
________________________________________
What kind of tie does a ghost wear to a formal party?
A boo-tie.
________________________________________
Why did the game warden arrest the ghost?
He didn't have a haunting license.
________________________________________
Where did the goblin throw the football?
Over the ghoul line.
________________________________________
What do you call a goblin who gets too close to a bonfire?
A toasty ghosty.
________________________________________
What kind of makeup do goblins wear?
mas-scare-a
________________________________________
Who was the most famous ghost detective?
Sherlock Moans
________________________________________
Which building does Dracula visit in New York?
The Vampire State Building.
________________________________________
Where do most werewolves live?
Howllywood, California
________________________________________
Where do most goblins live?
North and South Scarolina
________________________________________
What do you call a little monsters parents
mummy and deady
________________________________________
What do you get when you cross a black cat with a lemon.
sour-puss
________________________________________
What instrument do skellitens play?
Trom-BONE
________________________________________
Why did't the skelliten cross the road?
He had no guts
________________________________________
Why do vampires scare people?
They are bored to death
________________________________________
How can you tell a vampire likes baseball?
Every night he turns into a bat.
________________________________________
What's it like to be kissed by a vampire?
It's a pain in the neck.
________________________________________
How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery?
All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts.
________________________________________
How does a girl vampire flirt?
She bats her eyes.
________________________________________
Why doesn't anybody like Dracula?
He has a bat temper.
________________________________________
Who does Dracula get letters from?
His fang club.
________________________________________
Why did Dracula take cold medicine?
To stop his coffin.
________________________________________
How do you keep a monster from biting his nails?
Give him screws.
________________________________________
What can't you give the headless horseman?
A headache
________________________________________
Why did the headless horseman go into business?
He wanted to get ahead in life.
________________________________________
Where does a ghost go on vacation?
Mali-boo.
________________________________________
What do you call two witches living together?
Broommates.
________________________________________
What do you call a witch's garage?
A broo


Supplement from 10/28/2007 04:42pm:

What do you call a witch's garage?
A broom closet.
________________________________________
Why does a witch ride a broom?
The Vacuum cleaner's poweer is cord it too short.
________________________________________
What do they teach in witching school?
Spelling.
________________________________________
Why don't mummies take vacations?
They're afraid they'll relax and unwind.
________________________________________
Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
Because demons are a ghouls best friend
________________________________________
Why did the ghost go into the bar?
For the Boos
________________________________________
What kind of dog does Dracula have?
A Bloodhound
________________________________________
What do you give a vampire with a cold?
Coffin Drops!
________________________________________
Why did the vampire quit the baseball team?
They would only let him be BAT boy
________________________________________
Why didn't Dracula get married?
He never met a nice Ghoul

http://www.robinsfyi.com/holidays/halloween/humor.htm


/ reply

Family.Guy answers:

There are a lot of jokes on this site you might like to tell

http://www.cavernsofblood.com/halloween-jokes/

http://holidays.kaboose.com/halloween-games-jokes.html

http://www.theholidayspot.com/halloween/jokes.htm

http://www.robinsfyi.com/holidays/halloween/humor.htm

http://members.aol.com/_ht_a/pumpkinave/jokes/

Just a few to be getting on with for now

Enjoy your Halloween and have a spooky night.


/ reply

bikeman answers:

What is grey and not there.
A: No elephants.

Q: Why are elephants large, grey and wrinkled?
A: Because if they were small, white and smooth they'd be aspirins.

Q: Why are elephants wrinkled?
A: Have you ever tried to iron one?

Q: Why do elephants wear small green hats?
A: So they can sneak across pool tables unobserved.

Q: How many legs does an elephant have?
A: Four: two in the front, two in the back.
Q: How do you know Tarzan is in the fridge?
A: You can hear Tarzan scream: "OYOYOYOIYOIYOOOOOO!!!"

Q: How do you get two Tarzans in the fridge?
A: You can't, silly; there is only one Tarzan!

Q: Why are there so many elephants running around free in the jungle?
A: Tarzan's fridge is not large enough to hold them all.

Q: How many elephants can you actually put in a fridge?
A: Depends on the number of elephants.

Q: What do you call two elephants on a bicycle?
A: Optimistic!

Q: What do you get if you take an elephant into the city?
A: Free Parking.

Q: What do you get if you take an elephant into work?
A: Sole use of the elevator.

Q: How does an elephant get down from a tree?
A: It doesn't, you get down from a duck.

Q: How do you get an elephant out of a tree?
A: Stand it on a leaf and wait 'till autumn.

Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?
A: Bloody great holes all over Australia.

Q: How do you know if there is an elephant under the bed?
A: Your nose is touching the ceiling.

Q: Why do elephants wear sandals?
A: So that they don't sink in the sand.

Q: Why do ostriches stick their head in the ground?
A: To look for the elephants who forgot to wear their sandals.

Q: What did Hannibal say when he saw 1,000 elephants coming over the hill?
A: "Look, there's 1,000 elephants coming over the hill."

Q: What did he say when he saw 1,000 elephants with sunglasses on, coming over the hill?
A: Nothing; he didn't recognize them.

Q: Why shouldn't you go into the woods at 5 o'clock?
A: Because that is when the elephants do their parachute jumping.

Q: What is a furry alligator?
A: A bear that went into the woods at 5 o'clock.

Q: Why do elephants paint the soles of their feet yellow?
A: So that they can hide upside-down in bowls of custard.

Q: Did you ever find an elephant in your custard?
A: No? Well, it must work then.

Q: How do you shoot a blue elephant?
A: With a blue elephant gun, of course.

Q: How do you shoot a red elephant?
A: No, not with a red elephant gun. You strangle him until he turns blue, and then shoot him with a blue elephant gun.

Q: How do you shoot a green elephant?
A: Tell him a dirty joke so he turns red, strangle him until he turns blue, and then shoot him with a blue elephant gun.

Q: How do you shoot a yellow elephant?
A: Ever seen a yellow elephant?!!!

Q: How do you get an elephant to sit on a cherry tree?
A: Plant a seed and let the elephant stand on it.

How did Darth Vader know what Luke was getting for Christmas?
He felt his presents.


"Doctor, I can't pronounce my F's, T's and H's."
"Well you can't say fairer than that."

A polar bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender:
"I'll have a brandy...........................................
..............................................................
..............................................................
..............................................................
..............................................................
..............................................................
..........and coke."
The bartender asks: "What's with the big pause?"
The bear responds: "I dunno. I've always had them."


Supplement from 10/29/2007 10:40pm:

Q: Why did the monkey fall out the tree?
A: He lost his grip.

Q: Why did the second monkey fall out the tree?
A: He was holding on to the first monkey's tale

Q: Why did the Third monkey fall out the tree?
A: He was dead.

Q: Why did the forth monkey fall out the tree?
A: He thought it was a game.

Q: Why did the fifth monkey fall out the tree?
A: Peer Pressure

Q: Why did the sixth monkey fall out the tree?
A: He was hit by the falling fifth monkey.

Q: What's pink and hard?
A: A pig with a flick knife.

Q: What's brown and sticky
A: A brown stick

Q: What's green and spongy?
A: A green sponge

Q: What's pink and fluffy?
A: Pink fluff.

Priest, Rabbi and a Buddha walk into bar and the barman goes "What is this? Some kind of joke?"

Two TV aerials got married.
There was a poor turnout but the reception was great.
What birds spend all their time on their knees?
Birds of prey!

What do you call a woodpecker with no beak?
A headbanger!

When is the best time to buy budgies?
When they're going cheap!

How do you get a cut-price parrot?
Plant bird seed!

Why is a sofa like a roast chicken?
Because they're both full of stuffing!

What do you call a very rude bird?
A mockingbird!

Where do birds meet for coffee?
In a nest-cafe!

How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?
With it's sparrowchute!

What is green and pecks on trees?
Woody Wood Pickle!

What do you call a bunch of chickens playing hide-and-seek?
Fowl play!

Why do bears have fur coats?
Because they'd look stupid in anoraks!

What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig?
A teddy boar!

What should you call a bald teddy?
Fred bear!

What animal do you look like when you get into the bath?
A little bear!

Why is polar bear cheap to have as a pet?
It lives on ice!

Have you ever hunted bear?
No, but I've been shooting in my shorts!

How do you hire a teddy bear?
Put him on stilts!

What's a teddy bears favourite pasta?
Tagliateddy!

Why shouldn't you take a bear to the zoo?
Because they'd rather go to the cinema!

What is a bear's favourite drink?
Koka-Koala!

Not scarey but do there have to be?


/ reply

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