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did i do the right thing?
i had the chance to have an affair with someone who i think is probably my soul mate. i told him that i didnt think it was a good idea that anything happen between us,but i am now starting to think that i may have made a mistake.
i have been with my partner for 13 years and we have 4 children together,but he hardly speaks to me. nothing happened between me and the other guy,but he made it clear that i was his soulmate,and even though i think if we would have met 15 years ago we would still be together now,i cant face anything happening between us because i know that even though my partner doesnt show his feelings for me,he loves me.
i just cant help think that i may have made a mistake.ive gotten to the point where i need a neutral opinion.HELP!!!
asked in love, general opinion, affairs



tracieboo answers:

You did the right thing...

If you are not happy with the relationship you have with your husband you really need to sort that out first before you even think about having a relationship with anyone else.

You need to think long and hard about what you want, if you really feel that there is no love between you and your husband then both of you will be miserable for the rest of your lives if you stay together. Don't worry about the children, they are pretty good at bouncing back after parents break up, so staying with your husband for the sake of the kids will make you unhappy and ultimately the childrens as they will pick up on all the bad vibes.

If you truly belive that this other man is your soulmate, than he will wait for as long as it takes for you to sort yourself out, if he can't wait then i'd say that all he is interested in is a quick fling with a married lady.

Good luck, i hope you find the happiness you deserve.


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wrestlingfan420 answers:

Very well said. I can't really expand on your answer my dear!


Supplement from 08/27/2008 06:32pm:

CRAP! This was supposed to be a comment to tracieboo's answer but I made it an actual answer instead. Well, as long as I am here...tracie couldn't have put it in any more simpler terms. If it is all but over, do end it now before it gets ugly and your current beau gets wind of your newfound fancy and hits the roof. 15 years is a long time and a very sizable investment in your life and with your heart. It breaks my heart to hear of things like this that after so many years, people just fall out of love and/or grow apart. Do what is best for you. You have to be happy with yourself before you can begin to make someone else happy. Good luck my dear!


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tecspec answers:

Been there myself..My hubby is not that demonstrative either..
I was VERY tempted but I had to think of what i had to give up and I prefer my butter on the side I have with hubby and my boys..

Only you can really make the decision. But think long and hard..
I'll step off my soap box now!!


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Russel.West answers:

I agree with Tracieboo - don't destroy a relationship before you have tried to fix it, may I suggest you read 'Men are from Mars - Women are from Venus" by John Gray - it is a great book that looks at how the differences between couples stand in the way of good communication both on a verbal as well as emotional level - men do feel, trouble is if you hurt your husband it is more likely that he will retort with an angry emotion or just storm off instead of doing what most women do which is to ask why it happened and move to fix it - men tend to want to fix things by actions, not through emotional labour, we sort those kinds of problems out in our 'caves' be it pub, club or social place by talking to our mates and sounding off or just sitting trying to find the answer in the bottom of a bottle more often than not.

You are right however to question your relationship - I wonder if what you think you may have gotten outside of your matrimonial relationship that could be there laying dormant waiting to be woken again with your husband, maybe you need a holiday which includes romance and renewing your vows - relight that fire...

Whatever you choose to do. I hope you choose well and it works out for you - much heartache can come from a wrong decision - I know, my childhood was ruined by divorce, it led ultimately to my 'bad' behaviour during my first marriage which lost me a very loving wife who eventually had no other option but to leave and divorce me - that hurt but today we are friends, but it took a long while to realise the majority of it was indeed my inability to meet her emotional needs - so in summary I would suggest buying two copies of that book!!! I wish I had read it before my marriage fell apart.


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minx_24.nik answers:

Hmm a very good question. You were right not to have an affair as that would have caused all sorts of complications. Personally i have always thought that if someone has the chance to find real happiness then they should go for it. Would you rather regret not going for it for the rest of your life? I would prefer to know that i had given it a try at least. I have missed out on chances of happiness and i seriously regret missing out. I always make sure now though that i do my utmost to ensure my happiness. (my happiness includes the happiness/well-being of those close to me of course!!)


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Sapphire10 answers:

I think you have done the right thing, Although your husband does not speek to you alot and probably doesn't show you a lot of affection(Only if he wants the obvious)You have to remember that you have four kids with this man and every child needs there father(Which it sounds as if you know that anyway)It would be so easy if it was you to consider but you have alot of history with your husband to consider(Although at this moment at time you probably are feeling the history with your husband is better than now and maybe even the future)
At the end of the day if you had left your husband and started a relationship/affair with this man who knows if it would of worked anyway,All the upheavel to all concerned would of put a big strain on the relationship as well.
Although this is the worst and hardest decission you have probably had to make you DID do the right thing.
I am also a great believer in destany and if it is meant to be it will be,wheater it takes a year or ten years.
Good luck


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robinsamuels answers:

I had a chance to be on the other side of this situation some years ago. I didn't have the relationship with the young lady, who was a very good friend, because she was still sort of with her boyfriend.

I looked her up some time ago and they are happily married with a couple of lovely young children.

You did the right thing. I now know I did and I'm sure that in the future you will come to know that you did too. Good choice.


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