Ready to Participate?
Ready to Participate?
Get Started!
Log In

What is the best joke you have heard lately?
I am in need off some fresh material
asked in jokes

xoloriib answers:

How d'ye spell 'wheesht'?

more . . .

Supplement from 02/22/2009 11:53am:

I laughed at this because I hadn't heard it before - and I understood every word except the Gaelic.

/ reply

tracieboo answers:

Saw this yesterday and it made me laugh...

Girls night out
Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.

The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!'

/ reply

Family.Guy answers:

The joke i heard the other day was the best one but it was about Jade, so would probably get removed if i posted it, although i dont know why, a few months ago people wouldnt wee on her of she was on fire, the british public do really annoy me!! So here is another joke for you in better taste....

A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman, "I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

"Darn, he recognized me," she thought.

She went for a complete disguise this time; haircut and new color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before she again approached the salesman. "I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?"

"Because that's a microwave," he replied.

/ reply

Messerwisser answers:

As all new jokes are nothing but modernized old jokes you can as well look here:

/ reply

wumpus answers:

Jesus and Moses are up in Heaven one day, feeling a little bit bored.
"I know!" says Moses. "Why don't we go down to Earth for a bit!"
"Good thinking" replies Jesus. "It'll be like the old days!"

So the two of them head down to Earth and start touring their old haunts. Eventually they get to the Red Sea, and Moses decides to relive one of his old tricks.

"Hey Jesus!" says Moses. "Check this out!" And with that Moses walks up to the water's edge holds his hands apart and PHWOOM!- the waters part, leaving a passage across the see bed. Then he puts his hands together again, and the waters come crashing back in. "Whattaya think of that, Jesus?"

"Bah!" says Jesus. "What a wasteful way of crossing water!" With that Jesus walks to the water's edge, then puts one foot on the water, then his other, then slowly starts walking across the surface of the sea. "How's this, eh Moses?"

But as he gets further out from the shore, Jesus looks down and notices that he's starting to sink very, very slowly. "What the?"

Moses shouts out from the shore, "Jesus! Jesus! Remember, you didn't have those holes in your feet before!"

/ reply

jacquesdor answers:

A man got onto a train with a few golf balls in his pocket. He sat near to a blonde who couldn´t take her eyes off his very lumpy trousers. After a while he caught her eye and said ´golf balls´. She looked away for a momwnt, then turned back to him and asked ´is that as painful as tennis elbow?

/ reply


No Comments